Avoiding Relapse. Achieving sobriety is tough, and so is maintaining it. We've put together ten tips to help you stay on track after you've decided to kick your addiction. That being said, these tips aren't a panacea, and one size doesn't fit all. Everyone should take the time to adapt these relapse prevention tips to their own situation. Check the end of the article for a printable version to keep near by and refer to in times of need, or to share with clients. The most important moment before relapse isn't the final decision to use a drug. It's when you decide to expose yourself to triggers. For example, a trigger could be going to a party or walking through the liquor section at the store. Before encountering your triggers, you still have most of the control. Not your craving. If you're feeling the urge to use, try to wait it out. If you distract yourself for even 30 minutes, it's likely your craving will lessen in intensity. It might not totally disappear, but it will be easier to resist. Focus on replacing your past drug use with new positive activities. If you used to go home after work and drink, you'll need to make a new plan to occupy yourself. Going home and staring at a wall will eventually lead to staring at a wall with a drink in your hand. Don't try to do this alone. Sharing your goals for sobriety with a friend makes all the difference. They can hold you accountable when you're making questionable decisions ("I'm just going to the bar to hang out, I won't drink!") and they can offer a kind ear when you're struggling. Remind yourself that cravings will pass. Have you ever had that experience when you're sick where you can't remember what it feels like to not be sick? The same thing happens with cravings. Give it time, and believe it or not, the feeling will go away. You'll have to make sacrifices beyond giving up the drug. If you previously used during specific activities (for example: watching a game on TV, going to concerts, or spending time with friends), you may need to make changes. This might mean not watching the game, or making new friends who are sober. This can be really hard, but that's what makes it a sacrifice. Have a plan for when things get bad, because at some point, they will. People get fired, hearts get broken, and sometimes people leave us forever. Develop a plan to get through these major life challenges--without the use of drugs--before they happen. Don't become complacent with your sobriety. If you someday consider having "just a glass of wine with dinner", don't make the decision lightly. If you've struggled with addiction in the past, you are much more likely to develop an addiction again. If you do relapse, don't give up. A lot of people find it helpful to keep track of how long they've been sober, but don't confuse this count with the true goal of leading a happy and fulfilling life. If you're at day 100 of sobriety, that's great. However, if you make a mistake and end up back at day 0, know that you are not starting over (you have knowledge, experience, and confidence. In other words: Slipping up is not a license to go on a binge. Come up with new rituals. How do you celebrate holidays, promotions, or any other happy occasion? If your answer includes any sort of drug, you'll want to get creative and figure out something new. Go wild with a hobby for the day, treat yourself to a nice dinner, or take a weekend trip. Make sure it's something you can get excited about. If you found these tips helpful you can print them out to keep handy, or to share with clients. Check out the worksheet version in the link below:

Describe Clearly and concisely describe the facts of the situation, without any judgement. "You have asked me to work late 3 days this week" Express Use "I" statements to express your emotions. "I feel overwhelmed by the extra work I've been given." Assert Clearly state what you want or need. Be specific when giving instructions or making requests. "I need to resume my regular 40-hour work week" Reinforce Reward the other person if they respond well to you. Smiling saying "thank you", and other kind gestures work well in reinforcement. Mindfullness Describe Clearly and concisely describe the facts of the situation, without any judgement. "You have asked me to work late 3 days this week" Appear confident Use body language to show confidence even if you don't feel it. Stand up straight, make appropriate eye contact, speak clearly, and avoid fidgeting Negotiate Know the limits of what you are willing to accept, but be willing to compromise within them. “I’ll finish the extra work this week, but I won’t be able to manage the same amount of work next week.” DEAR MAN Instructions: Choose a specific interpersonal challenge you are dealing with, or that you have dealt with in the past. Answer the prompt for each step to create a plan for communicating about the issue Describe: What are the facts of the situation? Do not include opinions or interpretations. Express: Write an “I” statement to express your feelings: “I feel _____ when _____.” Assert: How will you tell someone what you need? Respond with the specific language you will use. Reinforce: How will you reward the other person for responding well to you? Mindfulness: What is the goal of your interaction? What other topics might distract from the goal? Appear confident: Describe the posture, eye contact, and tone of voice you will use. Negotiate: What are the limits of what you are willing to accept?

Feel-good hormones: How they affect your mind, mood and body Hormones are your body’s chemical messengers. Once released by glands into your bloodstream, they act on various organs and tissues to control everything from the way your body functions to how you feel. One group of hormones are nicknamed the "feel-good hormones" because of the happy and, sometimes, euphoric feelings they produce. They're also considered neurotransmitters, which means they carry messages across the spaces between nerve cells. What are the four feel-good hormones? Dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin. Hormones - how they affect your mind, mood and body. You can boost levels of these hormones with some simple lifestyle changes, like diet, exercise, and meditation, and possibly improve your mood in the process. Do you need a supplement? There are many natural ways to increase levels of feel-good hormones in your brain, including with diet, exercise, and by spending time with the people you care about. In a quest to feel better and prevent depression, it’s tempting to reach for a supplement as a quick pick-me-up. For most people, supplementing these hormones isn’t necessary. And in some cases, supplements can cause unwanted and even serious side effects. For example, 5-hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP) supplements help to raise serotonin levels in the brain. However, their use is linked to liver and brain damage, as well as a rare but potentially fatal condition called eosinophilia myalgia syndrome (EMS) that affects the muscles, skin, and lungs. Before taking any supplements, it’s a good idea to check with your doctor to make sure the product you plan to buy is safe for you. You may not even need a supplement unless you are deficient in a particular hormone. And if you have a condition that’s marked by abnormally low levels of one of these hormones, such as Parkinson’s disease, your doctor can recommend medication to treat it. Here are the links to articles looking at each of the four feel-good hormones and how they work: Dopamine Serotonin Endorphins Oxytocin

What is the Collective Unconscious? Carl Jung Collective Unconscious term introduced by psychiatrist Carl Jung to represent a form of the unconscious (that part of the mind containing memories and impulses of which the individual is not aware) common to mankind as a whole and originating in the inherited structure of the brain. What Is Carl Jung's Collective Unconscious? Sometimes referred to as the "objective psyche," the collective unconscious refers to the idea that a segment of the deepest unconscious mind is genetically inherited and not shaped by personal experience. This notion was originally defined by psychoanalyst Carl Jung. According to Jung's teachings, the collective unconscious is common to all human beings.1 Jung also believed that the collective unconscious is responsible for a number of deep-seated beliefs and instincts, such as spirituality, sexual behavior, and life and death instincts. History Born in Switzerland in 1875, Carl Jung founded the school of analytical psychology.2 Britannica. Carl Jung: Swiss psychologist. He is responsible for proposing and developing the psychological concepts of the collective unconscious, along with introverted and extroverted personalities. Jung worked with Sigmund Freud, another prominent psychologist during that time. In his early studies, Jung's work affirmed many of Freud's ideas. But as time went on, the two eventually split in their principles of psychology—including their thoughts about the development of the unconscious mind. The biggest difference between their explanations of the unconscious mind is that Freud believed that it was the product of personal experiences, while Jung believed that the unconscious was inherited from the past collective experience of humanity. What Is the Purpose of the Collective Unconscious? According to Jung, the collective unconscious is made up of a collection of knowledge and imagery that every person is born with and is shared by all human beings due to ancestral experience.3 Though humans may not know what thoughts and images are in their collective unconscious, it is thought that in moments of crisis, the psyche can tap into it. Key Concepts of Cark Jung's Collective Unconscious Understanding Jung's beliefs of the collective unconscious also require understanding the concepts surrounding these beliefs. Archetypes Jung believed that the collective unconscious is expressed through universal archetypes. Archetypes are signs, symbols, or patterns of thinking and/or behaving that are inherited from our ancestors. According to Jung, these mythological images or cultural symbols are not static or fixed. Instead, many different archetypes may overlap or combine at any given time. Some common archetypes that Jung proposed for explaining the unconscious mind include:4 Anima: Symbolized by an idealized woman who compels man to engage in feminine behaviors Animus: Woman's source of meaning and power that both creates animosity toward man but also increases self-knowledge Hero: Starting with a humble birth, then overcoming evil and death Persona: The mask we use to conceal our inner selves to the outside world Self: The whole personality; the core of the total psyche Shadow: The psyche's immoral and dark aspects Trickster: The child seeking self-gratification, sometimes being cruel and unfeeling in the process Wise old man: The self as a figure of wisdom or knowledge. For example, wizards and revered teachers frequently appear in the media and marketing messages to reflect this archetype.5 What Are Jung's Four Major Archetypes? In his book "Four Archetypes," Jung shared the archetypes he considered to be fundamental to a person's psychological makeup: mother, rebirth, spirit, and trickster.6 Jung C. Four archetypes. Complex Beliefs Jung was convinced that the similarity and universality of world religions pointed to religion as a manifestation of the collective unconscious. Thus, deep-seated beliefs regarding spirituality are explained as partially due to the genetically-inherited unconscious. Similarly, morals, ethics, and concepts of fairness or right and wrong could be explained in the same way, with the collective unconscious as partially responsible. Phobias Jung used his theory of the collective unconscious to explain how fears and social phobias can manifest in children and adults for no apparent reason. Fear of the dark, loud sounds, bridges, or blood may all be rooted in this collective unconscious due to an inherited genetic trait. In support of this, research indicates that some children are afraid of the dark not because of a negative experience they've had during the nighttime, but because darkness activates an exaggerated response by the amygdala—the part of the brain associated with the processing of emotions—resulting in the development of an innate or unprovoked fear.7 Dreams Dreams were thought to provide key insight into the collective unconscious. Jung believed that due to the archetypes represented, specific symbols in dreams are universal. In other words, the same symbols mean similar things to different people. At the same time, Jung believed that dreams are highly personal and that dream interpretation requires knowing a great deal about the individual dreamer. Freud, on the other hand, often suggested that specific symbols represent specific unconscious thoughts. More than just being repressed wishes, Jung felt that dreams compensate for parts of the psyche that are underdeveloped in our waking lives. This has allowed for the study of dreams as an instrument for research, diagnosis, and treatment for psychological conditions and phobias.8 Interpretation of Carl Jung's Collective Unconscious Historically, there has been some debate around whether the collective unconscious requires a literal or symbolic interpretation. In scientific circles, a literal interpretation of the collective unconscious is thought to be a pseudoscientific theory.4 This is because it is difficult to scientifically prove that images of mythology and other cultural symbols are inherited and present at birth. Conversely, a symbolic interpretation of the collective unconscious is thought to have some scientific grounding because of the belief that all humans share certain behavioral dispositions.9 Ongoing Research Researchers are continuously trying to increase their understanding of the collective unconscious. For instance, a 2015 study suggests that the gut microbiome may play a role in how the unconscious regulates behavior.10 If so, studies of gut microbes could be a part of the future of psychiatric research. Another example is a 2022 study published in Digital Geography and Society that investigates the role that the collective unconscious may play in our thoughts and behaviors while interacting on social media platforms.11 Thus, Jung's ideas continue to be assessed to better understand the collective unconscious and how it works.

The Illusion of Reality Alan Watts Who is Alan Watts? A prolific author and speaker, Alan Watts was one of the first to interpret Eastern wisdom for a Western audience. Born outside London in 1915, he discovered the nearby Buddhist Lodge at a young age. After moving to the United States in 1938, Alan became an Episcopal priest for a time, and then relocated to Millbrook, New York, where he wrote his pivotal book The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety. The Illusion of Reality. In 1951 he moved to San Francisco where he began teaching Buddhist studies, and in 1956 began his popular radio show, “Way Beyond the West.” By the early sixties, Alan’s radio talks aired nationally and the counterculture movement adopted him as a spiritual spokesperson. He wrote and traveled regularly until his passing in 1973. “Perhaps the foremost interpreter of Eastern disciplines for the contemporary West, Alan Watts had the rare gift of ‘writing beautifully the un-writable’. Watts begins with scholarship and intellect and proceeds with art and eloquence to the frontiers of the spirit. A fascinating entry into the deepest ways of knowing.” — LA Times The Early Years (1915-1938) Alan Wilson Watts was born on January 6, 1915 in the countryside near London, England. From a young age Alan was fascinated by Asian art, literature, and philosophy (his mother’s students were children of missionaries to Asia). His parents recognized his bright and inquiring nature, and encouraged Alan to write. His father, a businessman, would bring Alan to the Buddhist Lodge in London, where as a teenager, Alan became editor for the Lodge’s journal, The Middle Way. In 1932, he produced his first booklet, An Outline of Zen Buddhism, a summary based on the Zen writings of D. T. Suzuki. In 1938, Alan moved to the United States to study Zen in New York, where he soon began lecturing in bookstores and cafes. The Middle Years (1939-1959) In 1940, Alan published The Meaning of Happiness, a book based on his talks. Ironically, the book was issued on the eve of the second World War. After a brief time in New York, Alan moved to Chicago and enrolled at Seabury-Western Theological Seminary, deepening his interest in mystical theology. Alan was ordained as an Episcopal priest in 1944, but by the spring of 1950, Alan’s time as a priest had run its course, and he left the Church and Chicago for upstate New York. There he settled into a small farmhouse outside Millbrook and began writing The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety. In early 1951 Alan relocated to San Francisco, where, at Dr. Frederic Spiegelberg’s invitation, he began teaching Buddhism at the American Academy of Asian Studies (which later became the California Institute of Integral Studies). Drawing quite a crowd, his classes at the Academy soon blossomed into evening lectures open to the public and spilled over to local coffee houses frequented by Beat poets and writers. Alan’s career took to the airwaves in 1953, when he accepted a Saturday evening slot on Berkeley’s KPFA radio station. That year he began a broadcast series titled “The Great Books of Asia” followed in 1956 by “Way Beyond the West” — which proved to be quite popular with Bay Area audiences. Re-broadcast on Sunday mornings, the show later aired on KPFK in Los Angeles as well, beginning the longest-running public radio series — nearly 60 years at this writing. The Later Years (1960 to 1973) By the mid-fifties a “Zen Boom” was underway as Beat intellectuals in San Francisco and New York began celebrating and assimilating the esoteric qualities of Eastern religion into an emerging worldview that was later dubbed “the counterculture” of the 1960’s. Following the 1966 publication of The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are, which sold very well, requests for appearances poured in. Alan lectured at colleges throughout the U.S. and conducted seminars at fledging “growth centers” across the country, such as the world-renowned Esalen Institute of Big Sur, California. Broadcasts of his talks continued at KPFA and KPFK, and spread east to WBAI in New York and WBUR in Boston. The weekly shows attracted a wide audience and Alan became an important figure in the counterculture movement. As the movement gathered steam, the San Francisco Bay Area became a hotbed for radical politics, and a focal point of interest in Far Eastern ideas of enlightenment and liberation. The growing movement united civil rights activists, antiwar protesters, and members of the Free Speech movement, drawing thousands of young people to the Bay Area in 1967. After his stirring performance at a “Zenefit” for the San Francisco Zen Center, and a celebrated article on “Changes” in the Oracle alternative newspaper, Alan soon became recognized as a spiritual figurehead of the revolutionary movement. (Recorded at the Avalon Ballroom on April 6, 1967, Alan’s Zenefit lecture is titled Zen Bones.) By the late-sixties Alan was living on a ferryboat in Sausalito in a waterfront community of bohemians, artists, and other cultural renegades. Alan’s ferryboat soon became such a popular destination that to maintain his focus on writing, he moved into a cabin on the nearby slopes of Mount Tamalpais. There he became part of the Druid Heights artist community in the late sixties. Continuing to travel on lecture tours into the early seventies, Alan was increasingly drawn to life on the mountain, where he wrote his mountain journals (later published as Cloud Hidden, Whereabouts Unknown), penned his monograph The Art of Contemplation, worked on his autobiography In My Own Way, and wrote his final book, Tao: The Watercourse Way. However, soon after returning from a whirlwind lecture tour that took him through the U.S., Canada, and European, Alan passed away in his sleep on November 16, 1973, on the mountain he loved. Of life on the mountain, he wrote: “I was filled with that odd sensation the Japanese call yugen: watching wild geese fly and being hidden in the clouds; watching a ship vanish behind the distant island. I feel in some sense that I have lived on this mountain, that the experiences, the meetings, the goodbyes, the smell of food wafting through the trees, encountering wandering mystics on the many wiggly paths to the summit are all a fundamental and basic part of my makeup, which, in a certain sense of the word ‘me,’ they are. When I close my eyes I see faint images of light through the leaves, of cabins and their interiors full of Aztec hangings, singing bowls, prayer rattles, Eastern art, dresses and instruments and strange furnishings. There are some places that seem to, through a collective upsurging in creative joy, find their way to a spot outside of time and from there send waves rippling up against the shores of our own slices of the here and now.” – Alan Watts

| Wayne Dyer "The Very Important Reason Why Raising Your Energy Matters" Biography of Wayne Dyer Wayne W. Dyer, Ph.D.,is an internationally renowned author and speaker in the field of self-development. He’s the author of more than 37 books (20 of which have been national best-sellers), has created many audio programs and videos, and has appeared on thousands of television and radio shows. His books Manifest Your Destiny,Wisdom of the Ages,There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem, and The New York Times bestsellers 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace,The Power of Intention,Inspiration,Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life, Excuses Begone! and Wishes Fulfilled have all been featured as National Public Television specials. Dr. Dyer’s first feature film, The Shift, released in 2009, and the film based on Dr. Dyer’s life, My Greatest Teacher, released in 2012. Important reason why raising your energy matters. Dr. Wayne Dyer, affectionately called the "father of motivation" by his fans, began his author career in the early 1970’s by traveling the country alone and selling his first book, Your Erroneous Zones, from the trunk of his car. That book went on to sell more than 30 million copies, becoming the bestselling book of the 70s. Despite his childhood spent in orphanages and foster homes, Dr. Dyer has overcome many obstacles to make his dreams come true. Today he spends much of his time showing others how to do the same. Dr. Dyer’s philosophy of giving to the world what one hopes to receive has been demonstrated by his commitment to philanthropy. His charitable contributions include donating one million dollars to Wayne State University in Detroit, MI (his alma mater), as well as raising over $150 million for National Public Television through his PBS specials. Dr. Dyer holds a doctorate in educational counseling from Wayne State University, and was an associate professor at St. John’s University in New York. When he's not traveling the globe delivering his uplifting message, Wayne is writing from his home in Hawaii.

Attachment styles and the roles they play in relationships - is a wide spread topic of interest, both in research and in peoples’ personal drives to understand their patterns of thoughts and behaviors. This level of interest is entirely understandable as the different attachment styles in relationships can impact interpersonal interactions in unique ways. Attachment types develop early in life and often remain stable over time. However, this does not mean that they cannot be changed into more secure forms of attachment–it just means that you may need to develop self-awareness through understanding and resolving attachment issues. The first step of this process is to learn how insecure attachment develops and influences thoughts and actions within the important relationships in our lives. How Insecure Attachment Creates Negative Patterns in Relationships Have you wondered why you keep ending up in the same maladaptive relationship situations, even with different partners? Perhaps jealousy and clinginess are frequent behaviors for you, or maybe you’re prone to withdrawing from a relationship once it becomes too emotionally intimate? If you have noticed a pattern of negative and emotionally challenging behaviors in your love life, you might benefit from digging deep and exploring the way you attach to people in intimate relationships. Understanding what attachment styles are and the basics of attachment theory is an important factor in this process. What Are Attachment Styles and How Do They Affect Our Relationships? According to psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, one’s bond with their primary caregivers during childhood has an overarching influence on their future social and intimate relationships–and even their relationships at work. In other words, this early bond creates a template or rules for how you build and interpret relationships as an adult. Bowlby’s work on attachment theory dates back to the 1950s and continues to evolve due to the continuous research based on the subject. Based on attachment theory, 4 attachment styles were identified. The four attachment styles Anxious (also referred to as Preoccupied) Avoidant (also referred to as Dismissive) Disorganized (also referred to as Fearful-Avoidant) Secure From an evolutionary perspective, cultivating strong relationships and maintaining them has both survival and reproductive advantages. For this reason, Bowlby’s work focused on the human desire to seek contact, love, support, and comfort in others–the innate “need to belong” and how it is one of the main driving forces behind individuals’ actions. Yet, despite our need to belong, love and relationships are rarely as perfect and problem-free as we would like them to be, and many interpersonal problems can be traced back to the issues associated with our types of attachment styles. Before getting into the defining characteristics of the four attachment styles, it might be useful to understand how attachment types develop in children. How Attachment types Develop in Childhood In essence, how a primary caregiver (usually parents) acts towards and meets their child’s needs forms the foundations for how the child perceives and acts within close relationships. The reason for this is that a child is dependent on their caregivers and seeks comfort, soothing, and support from them. If these caregivers offer a warm and caring environment, and are attuned to the child’s physical and emotional needs–even when these needs are not clearly expressed–the child becomes securely attached. On the other hand, misattunement on behalf of caregivers towards their child’s physical and emotional needs is likely to lead to insecure attachment. It may be worth noting that caregiver misattunement may not be intentional, but the child still perceives them as not meeting their needs. Which attachment style do you have? Each of the 4 attachment styles has its own typical traits and characteristics. Yet, a person may not necessarily 100% fit into a single category; attachment is a spectrum and you may not match “the profile” of a specific style exactly. However, the aim of self-awareness is to identify unhealthy behaviors and understand what you might need to work on in order to improve your love life–which understanding traits of each attachment type and how they develop can facilitate. How does each of the four attachment types manifest in adults? 1. Anxious / Preoccupied Adults with an anxious attachment style tend to have a negative self-view, but a positive view of others. This means that they may view their partner as their literal “better half.” Because someone with this attachment style deems themselves to be less worthy of love in comparison to other people, the thought of living without their partner (or being alone in general) causes high levels of anxiety. In other words, they deeply fear abandonment. To ease this fear of abandonment, people with the anxious attachment style strongly desire security within relationships, and attention, care, and responsiveness from a partner tends to be the “remedy” for their feelings of anxiety. On the other hand, the perceived absence of support and intimacy can lead someone with the anxious attachment style to become more clinging and demanding, preoccupied with the relationship, and desperate for reassurance that they are loved. In a nutshell, people with this attachment style value their relationships highly, but are often hypervigilant towards threats to their security, as well as anxious and worried that their loved one is not as invested in the relationship as they are. Want to know more about anxious attachment? Explore this attachment style by topic: Anxious Attachment in relationships guide Anxious Ambivalent Attachment (how anxious attachment develops in childhood) Self-regulation tips for anxious attachment (know your triggers and how to manage them) Attachment in the workplace The superpowers of adults with anxious attachment 2. Avoidant / Dismissive People with the avoidant/dismissive attachment style tend to have a positive self-view and negative one of others. Consequently, they prefer to foster a high sense of independence and self-sufficiency–especially on an emotional level. Someone with the avoidant attachment style tends to believe that they don’t have to be in a relationship to feel complete: They do not want to depend on others, have others depend on them, or seek support and approval in social bonds. Adults with this attachment style generally avoid intimacy or emotional closeness, so may withdraw from a relationship if they feel like the other person is becoming reliant on them in this manner. They also tend to hide or suppress their feelings when faced with a potentially emotion-dense situation, such as conflict. Want to know more about avoidant attachment? Explore this attachment style by topic: Self-regulation tips for avoidant attachment (know your triggers and how to manage them) Avoidant attachment and dating Avoidant attachment style and relationships The superpowers of adults with avoidant attachment 3. Disorganized / Fearful-Avoidant People with the disorganized attachment style tend to vacillate between the traits of both anxious and avoidant attachment depending on their mood and circumstances. For this reason, someone with this attachment style tends to show confusing and ambiguous behaviors in their social bonds. For adults with disorganized attachment, the partner and the relationship themselves are often the source of both desire and fear. On the one hand, fearful-avoidant people do want intimacy and closeness, but on the other hand, experience troubles trusting and depending on others. People with this attachment style often struggle with identifying and regulating their emotions and tend to avoid strong emotional attachment due to their intense fear of getting hurt. Want to know more about disorganized attachment? Explore this attachment style by topic: Fearful-Avoidant Attachment (how disorganized attachment develops in childhood) Self-regulation tips for adults with disorganized attachment Attachment in the bedroom Attachment in the workplace The superpowers of disorganized attachment 4. Secure Attachment The three attachment styles covered so far (anxious, avoidant, and disorganized) are insecure attachment styles, so they are characterized by difficulties with cultivating and maintaining healthy relationships. In contrast, the secure attachment style implies that a person is comfortable expressing emotions openly. Therefore, adults with a secure attachment style can depend on their partners and, in turn, let their partners rely on them. Relationships with someone with a secure attachment style are based on honesty, tolerance, and emotional closeness. Although someone with this attachment style often thrives in their relationships, they also don’t fear being on their own. Secure attachers tend to have a positive view of themselves and others, so they do not overly seek external approval or validation–they can successfully identify and regulate their emotions, and even help a partner do so with theirs. Want to know more about secure attachment? Explore this attachment style by topic: Secure Attachment in childhood (the five conditions required) Attachment in the bedroom Attachment in the workplace . Where do you stand? Now that you are acquainted with the four adult attachment styles, you probably have an idea of which one your actions and beliefs lean towards. Although it is completely normal to recognize features of one or more types of attachment in your history of romantic relationships, it’s important to remember that attachment types can change with major life events, or even with different partners. For example, an insecurely attached individual could form a secure bond when they have a securely attached partner. On the other hand, it’s also possible for someone with a secure attachment style to develop unhealthy relationship behaviors after experiencing trauma or losing a loved one. So, many people do not “fit” completely into one specific profile. When to Worry About Your Attachment Style? Chances are that many of us don’t fully identify with the traits of secure attachment. Even if we think we have stable relationships, there might be patterns in our behavior that keep bothering us or making us stressed or unhappy. Unfortunately, some of us will recognize ourselves in the traits of one of the three insecure attachment types. If you identify with one of the insecure attachment styles in relationships, it is highly recommended that you actively address the issue through increasing self-awareness, working on self-development, and if necessary, seeking psychological help. If left unaddressed, strongly expressed insecure and unstable attachment types can cause anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. Here’s the thing: Struggling is simply not necessary, as there are many ways to heal and recover from attachment disturbances. Are you: Tired of struggling in relationship after relationship? Clingy or needy towards a partner? Struggling to regulate negative emotions? Shut down to expressions of intimacy and affection? Feeling unworthy of love and attention? Fed up with anxiety over whether your partner loves you in return? Ready to learn how to tolerate emotional intimacy and start trusting and relying on people? Working with a therapist on patterns of insecure behaviors would potentially be the most beneficial way to earn secure attachment. However, many people are not able to avail of one-to-one services due to financial, time, or personal constraints. For this reason, we developed Attachment Styles Workbooks and an Emotions & Self Growth Guide to help you overcome attachment insecurity. Attachment security doesn’t have to be a distant dream or unachieveable wish: You can achieve a secure attachment style through psychoeducation, self-awareness, and self-growth. We at The Attachment Project are here to support you on this journey. If you prefer to go the route of a workbook, we recently released our first series of attachment style digital workbooks. Attachment Style Digital Workbooks If you’d like to use attachment theory to build better and more secure relationships with everyone around you, our workbooks are the perfect place to start!

Dalai Lama's Top 10 Rules Brief Biography of Dalai Lama His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, describes himself as a simple Buddhist monk. He is the spiritual leader of Tibet. He was born on 6 July 1935, to a farming family, in a small hamlet located in Taktser, Amdo, northeastern Tibet. At the age of two, the child, then named Lhamo Dhondup, was recognized as the reincarnation of the previous 13th Dalai Lama, Thubten Gyatso. Dalai Lama's Top 10 Rules. The Dalai Lamas are believed to be manifestations of Avalokiteshvara or Chenrezig, the Bodhisattva of Compassion and the patron saint of Tibet. Bodhisattvas are realized beings inspired by a wish to attain Buddhahood for the benefit of all sentient beings, who have vowed to be reborn in the world to help humanity. Education in Tibet His Holiness began his monastic education at the age of six. The curriculum, derived from the Nalanda tradition, consisted of five major and five minor subjects. The major subjects included logic, fine arts, Sanskrit grammar, and medicine, but the greatest emphasis was given to Buddhist philosophy which was further divided into a further five categories: Prajnaparamita, the perfection of wisdom; Madhyamika, the philosophy of the middle Way; Vinaya, the canon of monastic discipline; Abidharma, metaphysics; and Pramana, logic and epistemology. The five minor subjects included poetry, drama, astrology, composition and synonyms. At 23, His Holiness sat for his final examination in Lhasa’s Jokhang Temple, during the annual Great Prayer Festival (Monlam Chenmo) in 1959. He passed with honors and was awarded the Geshe Lharampa degree, equivalent to the highest doctorate in Buddhist philosophy. Leadership Responsibilities In 1950, after China's invasion of Tibet, His Holiness was called upon to assume full political power. In 1954, he went to Beijing and met with Mao Zedong and other Chinese leaders, including Deng Xiaoping and Chou Enlai. Finally, in 1959, following the brutal suppression of the Tibetan national uprising in Lhasa by Chinese troops, His Holiness was forced to escape into exile. Since then he has been living in Dharamsala, northern India. In exile, the Central Tibetan Administration led by His Holiness appealed to the United Nations to consider the question of Tibet. The General Assembly adopted three resolutions on Tibet in 1959, 1961 and 1965. Democratization Process In 1963, His Holiness presented a draft democratic constitution for Tibet , followed by a number of reforms to democratize the Tibetan administration. The new democratic constitution was named "The Charter of Tibetans in Exile". The charter enshrines freedom of speech, belief, assembly and movement. It also provides detailed guidelines on the functioning of the Tibetan Administration with respect to Tibetans living in exile. In 1992, the Central Tibetan Administration published guidelines for the constitution of a future, free Tibet. It proposed that when Tibet becomes free the first task will be to set up an interim government whose immediate responsibility will be to elect a constitutional assembly to frame and adopt a democratic constitution for Tibet. His Holiness has made clear his hopes that a future Tibet, comprising the three traditional provinces of U-Tsang, Amdo and Kham, will be federal and democratic. In May 1990, as a result of His Holiness’s reforms the Tibetan administration in exile was fully democratized. The Tibetan Cabinet (Kashag), which until then had been appointed by His Holiness, was dissolved along with the Tenth Assembly of the Tibetan People's Deputies (the Tibetan parliament in exile). In the same year, exiled Tibetans living in India and more than 33 other countries elected 46 members to an expanded Eleventh Tibetan Assembly on a one-person one-vote basis. That Assembly then elected the members of a new cabinet. In September 2001, in a further step towards democratization the Tibetan electorate directly elected the Kalon Tripa, the Chairman of the Cabinet. The Kalon Tripa appointed his own cabinet who then had to be approved by the Tibetan Assembly. This was the first time in Tibet's long history, that the people had elected their political leaders. Since the direct election of the Kalon Tripa, the custom by which the Dalai Lamas, through the institution of the Ganden Phodrang, have held temporal as well as spiritual authority in Tibet, has come to an end. Since 2011, when he devolved his political authority to the elected leadership, His Holiness has described himself as retired. Peace Initiatives On 21 September 1987 in an address to members of the United States Congress in Washington, DC, His Holiness proposed a Five-Point Peace Plan for Tibet as a first step towards a peaceful solution of the worsening situation in Tibet. The five points of the plan were as follows: Transformation of the whole of Tibet into a zone of peace. Abandonment of China's population transfer policy that threatens the very existence of the Tibetans as a people. Respect for the Tibetan people's fundamental human rights and democratic freedoms. Restoration and protection of Tibet's natural environment and the abandonment of China's use of Tibet for the production of nuclear weapons and dumping of nuclear waste. Commencement of earnest negotiations on the future status of Tibet and of relations between the Tibetan and Chinese peoples. On 15 June 1988, in an address to members of the European Parliament in Strasbourg, His Holiness further elaborated on the last point of the Five-Point Peace Plan. He proposed talks between the Chinese and Tibetans leading to a self-governing democratic political entity for all three provinces of Tibet. This entity would be in association with the People's Republic of China and the Chinese Government would continue to be responsible for Tibet's foreign policy and defence. Universal Recognition His Holiness the Dalai Lama is a man of peace. In 1989 he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his non-violent struggle for the liberation of Tibet. He has consistently advocated policies of non-violence, even in the face of extreme aggression. He also became the first Nobel Laureate to be recognized for his concern for global environmental problems. His Holiness has travelled to more than 67 countries spanning 6 continents. He has received over 150 awards, honorary doctorates, prizes, etc., in recognition of his message of peace, non-violence, inter-religious understanding, universal responsibility and compassion. He has also authored or co-authored more than 110 books. His Holiness has held discussions with heads of different religions and participated in many events promoting inter-religious harmony and understanding. Since the mid-1980s, His Holiness has engaged in a dialogue with modern scientists, mainly in the fields of psychology, neurobiology, quantum physics and cosmology. This has led to a historic collaboration between Buddhist monks and world-renowned scientists in trying to help individuals achieve peace of mind. It has also resulted in the addition of modern science to the traditional curriculum of Tibetan monastic institutions re-established in exile. Political Retirement On 14 March 2011 His Holiness wrote to the Assembly of Tibetan People's Deputies (Tibetan Parliament-in-exile) requesting it to relieve him of his temporal authority, since according to the Charter of the Tibetans in Exile, he was technically still the head of state. He announced that he was ending the custom by which the Dalai Lamas had wielded spiritual and political authority in Tibet. He intended, he made clear, to resume the status of the first four Dalai Lamas in concerning himself only with spiritual affairs. He confirmed that the democratically elected leadership would assume complete formal responsibility for Tibetan political affairs. The formal office and household of the Dalai Lamas, the Gaden Phodrang, would henceforth only fulfil that function. On 29 May 2011 His Holiness signed the document formally transferring his temporal authority to the democratically elected leader. In so doing he formally put an end to the 368-year old tradition of the Dalai Lamas functioning as both the spiritual and temporal head of Tibet. The Future As far back as 1969, His Holiness made clear that whether or not a reincarnation of the Dalai Lama should be recognised was a decision for the Tibetan people, the Mongolians and people of the Himalayan regions to make. However, in the absence of clear guidelines, there was a clear risk that, should the concerned public express a strong wish to recognise a future Dalai Lama, vested interests could exploit the situation for political ends. Therefore, on 24 September 2011, clear guidelines for the recognition of the next Dalai Lama were published, leaving no room for doubt or deception. His Holiness has declared that when he is about ninety years old he will consult leading Lamas of Tibet’s Buddhist traditions, the Tibetan public, and other concerned people with an interest in Tibetan Buddhism, and assess whether the institution of the Dalai Lama should continue after him. His statement also explored the different ways in which the recognition of a successor could be done. If it is decided that a Fifteenth Dalai Lama should be recognized, responsibility for doing so will rest primarily on the concerned officers of the Dalai Lama’s Gaden Phodrang Trust. They should consult the various heads of the Tibetan Buddhist traditions and the reliable oath-bound Dharma Protectors who are linked inseparably to the lineage of the Dalai Lamas. They should seek advice and direction from these concerned parties and carry out the procedures of search and recognition in accordance with their instruction. His Holiness has stated that he will leave clear written instructions about this. He further warned that apart from a reincarnation recognized through such legitimate methods, no recognition or acceptance should be given to a candidate chosen for political ends by anyone, including agents of the People’s Republic of China.

Sadhguru One Important Cause of Anxiety Disorder What is the main cause of anxiety disorders? Difficult experiences in childhood, adolescence or adulthood are a common trigger for anxiety problems. Going through stress and trauma when you're very young is likely to have a particularly big impact. Experiences which can trigger anxiety problems include things like: physical or emotional abuse. 7 Causes of Anxiety Examples of other anxiety disorders include: Agoraphobia Panic disorder Separation anxiety disorder Social anxiety disorder (social phobia) Specific phobias According to the Mayo Clinic, you can have more than one anxiety disorder. Research shows that a combination of environmental and genetic factors likely increase a person’s risk for developing an anxiety disorder, notes the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Like so many health conditions, anxiety appears to run in families. Anxiety may be caused by stress, whether from a major life event or the accumulated effect of small everyday stressors. Anxiety can also come with medical conditions, such as heart disease, diabetes, asthma, or thyroid disorders, that need treatment. There’s a clear link between caffeine and anxiety, and also alcohol and anxiety. And certain medications may cause anxiety. In this case, avoiding caffeine and alcohol or changing medications may reduce the anxiety. It’s important to note that while all these things (medications, substances, stress) can cause anxious feelings, they may involve different medical diagnoses. Some anxiety is normal, but if you suffer from severe anxiety or are worrying too much, it’s important to talk with a mental health specialist about your symptoms. Psychologists focus more on psychotherapy and are not medical doctors. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialize in mental health treatment. Both psychologists and psychiatrists can diagnose and treat anxiety disorders with psychotherapy, and psychiatrists can also prescribe medications. Psychologists in a few states may have the ability to prescribe medication, but this is not common or widespread. Additionally, if you have anxiety with suicidal thoughts, seek emergency medical treatment immediately or call 988. Could any of the following be causing your anxiety? 1. Heart Problems Can Cause Anxiety If you’ve ever had a panic attack, you’re familiar with the way your hands get clammy, you can’t catch your breath — and your heart feels like it’s going to pound right out of your chest. While a panic attack is not a heart attack, there’s a relationship between heart problems and anxiety. Indeed, about 5 percent of American adults have generalized anxiety disorder, but the incidence is higher in people diagnosed with coronary artery disease (11 percent) or with heart failure (13 percent), according to research from 2016. Evidence also shows that anxiety can be brought on after a heart attack, stroke, or heart failure, notes the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The connection appears to go both ways: People who experience long-term anxiety may experience increased heart rate and blood pressure, reduced blood flow to the heart, and heightened levels of the stress hormone cortisol — over time, all this can lead to heart problems, says the CDC. 2. Anxiety Disorders Are Linked to Alcohol and Drugs There is a strong link between alcohol and anxiety. Research shows that people with anxiety disorders are 2 to 3 times more likely to have problems with drugs and alcohol at some point in their lives than the general population. But that’s not all: Alcohol and drugs can often cause panic attacks, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA). People with social anxiety, in particular, may turn to alcohol in order to lessen their symptoms, but alcohol can actually make anxiety worse. About 20 percent of people with social anxiety disorder also have an alcohol or substance abuse disorder, notes the ADAA. No matter which problem comes first, the combination of drugs, alcohol, and anxiety can become a vicious cycle. 3. Caffeine and Anxiety Make You Feel Jittery and Nervous Caffeine is a stimulant — and that can be bad news for someone with anxiety. Caffeine’s jittery effects on your body are similar to those of a frightening event. That’s because caffeine stimulates your “fight or flight” response, according to a 2006 study, and research from 2018 has shown that this can make anxiety worse and can even trigger an anxiety attack. Other research suggests that while caffeine can increase alertness, attention, and cognitive function, overdoing it can increase anxiety, particularly in people with panic disorder and social anxiety disorder. And as with the symptoms of anxiety, one too many cups of joe may leave you feeling nervous and moody, and can keep you up at night. 4. Medications Can Trigger an Anxiety Attack Certain medications have some ugly side effects — and can cause anxiety symptoms or an anxiety attack. Prescription medications to watch out for include thyroid drugs and asthma drugs, while over-the-counter decongestants have been known to cause anxiety symptoms in some people. If you suddenly stop taking certain medications sometimes used to treat anxiety, such as benzodiazepines, withdrawal may cause added anxiety. 5. Weight Loss Supplements Can Have Anxiety-Producing Side Effects Many over-the-counter (OTC) weight loss supplements come with anxiety-producing side effects. Use of St. John’s wort may lead to insomnia, and green tea extracts (which claim to suppress appetite) contain plenty of caffeine. Guarana, an ingredient in some OTC diet products, can contain up to 4 times as much caffeine as coffee beans. And beware of any product containing ephedra — it can cause increased heart rate and anxiety. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) banned the sale of dietary supplements containing ephedra in 2004. 6. Are Anxiety Symptoms Related to Your Thyroid Gland? The thyroid is a butterfly-shaped gland in the front of your neck that produces thyroid hormones. These hormones are important for regulating your metabolism and energy levels. But if your thyroid produces too much, it can cause anxiety symptoms, such as nervousness, irritability, heart palpitations, and sleeplessness. Hypothyroidism (in which your thyroid produces too little of the needed hormones) has also been linked to anxiety disorders. If you have anxiety symptoms along with swelling in your neck, weight loss, weakness, fatigue, or heat intolerance, ask your doctor to check your thyroid gland. 7. Stress Can Worsen Anxiety Symptoms Stress and anxiety often go hand in hand — stress can be what causes anxiety symptoms, and anxiety can make stress worse. When you’re overly tense, you may also turn to other behaviors that make anxiety worse, such as smoking, abuse of drugs, or abuse of alcohol. Remember that stress and anxiety are often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as stomachache, headache, dry mouth, dizziness, and sweating. If you have unexplained symptoms of anxiety, talk with your doctor. Anxiety disorders are treatable.

Gurudev Where is God? Is he a celestial figure sitting high up in the heavens? What can we do to get closer to God? Gurudev shares deep and profound wisdom that will transform your perception of God! God sees His entire creation in its place in the universe: His perspective is unbounded by time or place. But God also has a much closer perspective on individual lives. He knows our circumstances, trials and failings. He longs to have a relationship with us that we might know Him.

Psychedelics causing unusually strong experiences of color, sound, smell, taste, and touch, and other mental effects such as feelings of deep understanding or hallucination (= imagining things that do not exist) Voiceclub is a Melbourne-based podcast on psychedelics and philosophy that’s worth digging into. In addition to regular audio podcasts, Voiceclub is now producing excellent video snippets on its Youtube channel. The latest video discusses the danger of psychedelics through the lens of Carl Jung. From the video: In a letter he wrote in 1954, C. G. Jung said he was “profoundly mistrustful of the pure ‘gifts of the gods'” such as mescaline, saying that “you pay very dearly for them.” Elaborating, he writes: Of course, that is exactly what attracts some of us to the psychedelic experience — to get a behind-the-scenes glimpse of reality, or at least of our own minds. Jung talks more about delving into the collective unconscious, and why, in his view, it is a mistake to tread lightly into the world of dream and reverie using psychedelic tools. So what do you think — is Jung onto something here? Or, as someone who had not tried mescaline and other psychedelics, was he speaking out of turn about something he did not really understand?

What makes therapy work? Is there some elusive combination of words that will help a client overcome depression? Or more realistically, is there a series of research-based techniques and strategies that can be strung together to heal emotional wounds? While the right techniques and research-based interventions are valuable, there are a few less tangible aspects of psychotherapy that are more strongly connected to positive treatment outcomes. When researchers study therapists, as opposed to studying a specific type of treatment, they come up with some interesting data. One study found that an effective therapist, as compared to a less effective therapist, has a more powerful impact on treatment outcome than whether or not a client receives medication (7). Surprisingly, clinical experience has little importance. Therapists who have been practicing for 15 years don't have greater success with clients than those who have only been in the field for 2 years (6). Additionally, as long as a therapeutic intervention has at least moderate research support, it doesn't really matter which one you choose (2, 6). What's more important is that you—the therapist—believe it will work. We've compiled a list of traits that the most effective psychotherapists possess. Take a look. Ability to develop a strong relationship. Ah, the foundation of therapy: the relationship. Research has consistently shown that a strong relationship might be therapeutic in itself, regardless of intervention type (3). Many of the traits found in the most effective therapists are related to their ability to create a strong therapeutic alliance. Without a strong relationship, clients are unlikely to believe in the efficacy of their therapist's interventions, they may be dishonest or unwilling to share personal feelings, and they are less likely to complete therapy. Just to bring this point home: One study found that patients with moderate to severe psychiatric symptoms were three times more likely to complete treatment when they reported having a strong therapeutic alliance (5). Empathic relationship style. Several signals of empathy—including warmth, friendliness, understanding, and affirmation of emotions—are closely related to building a strong therapeutic alliance. Similarly, clients report having the best relationships with therapists who display genuine interest during session (usually evidenced by enthusiasm), and those who show respect (6). I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that cold, aloof, and condescending therapists don't fare as well as those who present themselves as nurturing and empathetic. Flexible use of treatments. When it comes to psychotherapy, one size does not fit all. The most effective therapists recognize this, and they adapt their interventions to fit with their clients' personality, needs, and preferences. Clients who do not feel confident about their therapist's style of intervention are far less likely to complete treatment. Flexible therapists tend to initiate discussion about a client's preferences, and they accommodate them whenever possible. When a client's preferences are not reasonable, or not in their best interest, the therapist will provide education to help their client make a more informed choice. Ability to communicate effectively. Psychotherapy consists almost entirely of conversation, so it makes sense that effective communication is a key trait of a good therapist. Therapists are regularly tasked with describing complicated theoretical models (and most importantly, how these models are relevant to the client), intangible symptoms, and with fostering open communication. Effective communication isn't just about the ability to explain something. It's about checking in with a client and asking how they feel about treatment. It's about maintaining an open dialogue, and creating an atmosphere where everyone feels comfortable enough to speak openly about difficult topics. Therapists who are ineffective communicators are less likely to check in with their clients and their interventions have worse fit. Confidence in therapy. When a therapist expresses confidence in a client and their ability to be successful in therapy, they are much more likely to have a successful outcome. A therapist's confidence can be expressed either explicitly ("I am confident that you can get better"), or inexplicitly (showing enthusiasm for treatment or discussing a history of past success). Effective therapists regularly point out a client's successes, and ways in which a client has progressed in therapy. When a therapist shows a lack of confidence in their treatment, why should a client believe it will work? Clients who are not confident in their therapist are less likely to follow through with recommended interventions, and they are less likely to have a positive treatment outcome. This is actually the one area where a clinician's experience has been found to have an impact on treatment (clients tend to have more confidence in experienced practitioners). Continuing education and reliance on research. You might remember that earlier in this article, I mentioned that the type of therapeutic intervention has little impact on treatment outcome, as long as it has at least moderate research support. I want to emphasize the "at least moderate research support" part of that sentence. All treatments are not equal. Therapists who are up-to-date on research, and those who use research-based interventions, are far more successful than those who do not. Quack treatments do not create lasting change. That being said, as long as a therapist uses a research-based intervention, it doesn't really matter which one they use. Outcomes are the same across interventions. Summary In summary, effective psychotherapy relies on a number of factors that are not typically considered in research. In many cases, the therapeutic relationship and personal traits of the therapist are more important than the type of intervention. That being said, the traits I described above are not rules set in stone. There are therapists who are not all that personable, but they are still effective. There are therapists who aren't a good fit for most people, but they're the perfect for a select few. Don't be discouraged if these guidelines are not an exact reflection of yourself. If you would like to learn more about this topic, I highly recommend picking up Psychotherapy Relationships that Work: Evidence-Based Responsiveness by John C. Norcross.